Moore 2 Discover Podcast
Discussion about challenges and triumphs by exploring the depths of self-discovery and personal and business growth.
Moore 2 Discover Podcast
Journey to Joy Breaking Free from Toxic Ties and Embracing Self Respect
Have you ever felt the weight of the past holding you back? Erica Sardinha, our indomitable empowerment coach, has not only felt it but lifted it off her shoulders and turned it into wings. Her harrowing yet uplifting tale of triumph over complex childhood trauma offers powerful insights into self-realization and taking the reins of one's own life journey. As she speaks of leaving behind a painful past and seeking serenity in the Canary Islands, her narrative promises to be a guiding light for those entangled in their own struggles, illuminating the path to healing and happiness.
Navigating the murky waters of toxic relationships, especially within the familial bonds we hold dear, is a challenge many of us know all too well. This episode is a candid look at the art of drawing the line—setting boundaries that protect our peace. Sharing practical strategies from my own life and coaching services, we delve into the delicate balance of maintaining well-being while reducing contact with difficult people. It's a conversation about the freedom found in building a network that uplifts us and the steps to cultivate such connections, even in the face of adversity.
As we close, the conversation turns to self-care, that vital act that's too often relegated to the bottom of our to-do lists. The mantra we champion is clear: respect for our boundaries is non-negotiable. This chapter serves as a heartfelt reminder to all listeners about the importance of standing firm, honoring our limits, and creating safe spaces in our lives. Let Erica's story and our discourse inspire you to make self-care a priority, to boldly demand the respect you deserve, and to remember that the power for change lies firmly within your grasp.
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Moore Self Discovery email: contact@mooreselfdiscovery.com
Hello, hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the More Self-Discovery podcast. I'm your host, Harriet Westmore, and I have a treat for you today. We have been trying to play catch up for so long. We originally recorded our believe like back in maybe September or October, but things got kind of kind of crazy there, so we kind of wanted to put it off and wait until everything dies down with the holidays and everything like that. But I am so excited to have Ms Erica Sardinia Sardinia.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, good Sardinia. It's difficult because it's a Portuguese name. Not everybody's going to get it right, so that's fine All right.
Speaker 1:Well, I welcome you back and you have such a story to tell and I saw I said I have to be have to get this done because you have such an inspiring story and I just want people to know who you are and what you offer to the people. So I'm going to turn it over to you. Welcome and tell us about yourself and what you are doing.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Thanks so much for having me here on your podcast. I'm so excited. I believe things happen for a reason. I feel like probably this is way more aligned than at the time that we were trying to do. So that's amazing. My name is Erica. I am an empowerment coach for survivors. I help usually people who have been through a lot of stuff in life and that have been doing the work to help them go to the next level of their lives figure out, reconnect themselves, figure out what they really want from life and go after it.
Speaker 2:Because after all after all we've been through, I mean we deserve some peace and happiness, Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:That's what I help people do. I have to say that I'm also a survivor myself. I am a survivor of childhood, complex trauma, all types of abuse and, yeah, being a life coach and a yoga teacher, I've decided to use all my expertise to help other survivors, because my transformation was so incredible, I could not believe it and I needed to do that for other people. So that's what I do.
Speaker 1:Wow. So okay, erica, take us back to the beginning. Share just a little portion of what you encountered and how. That light bulb moment using your traumatic events of childhood. How did you transform it to what you are today?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So, as I said, I went through a lot of trauma in my childhood and that went on for a decade or so. That's why we call it complex trauma, because trauma would happen again and again and again, in different forms.
Speaker 2:So, when I was kind of free from my abuser. I was 17 to 18 years old and, as with a lot of families happen, we are taught to don't talk about it, just shove it up. Nothing happened, and that never works. So from my 17-year-old to late 20s, I was living a complete numb life. I actually don't have a lot of memories from that time because I was so checked out. Now I know that I was suffering from depression, ptsd, which is very normal for survivors.
Speaker 2:So I went through this time where I was not myself and I was encountering all these mental issues. So in my late 20s, that's when I decided that I needed to run away from home. To be honest, that's what happened. So that lead me to change places and eventually I ended up in the Canary Islands. So when I came to the Canary Islands, I was with this ex-boyfriend bless him. He brought me here to this life and I just ended up. You know, I was still broken. I was broke, I wasn't feeling happy and I was like what is happening? What is wrong with me?
Speaker 2:So I came to this moment where I was like what the hell is going on, like what's wrong with me? Luckily I had started, by chance or by fate, to do some yoga because I needed to teach some stretching classes at a hotel here in the south of Tenerife, and I just started kind of like exploring my emotions and connected to my emotions, and then I came to the realization that, like the only thing because I've changed boyfriends, I've changed jobs, I've changed cities, countries, like now I'm in the middle of Atlantic Ocean and everything is the same. So I realized that like I was the common denominator Right. And that was kind of a scary moment for me because I was like damn, like I'm doing this to myself.
Speaker 2:And by then I started kind of exploring what happened to me during my childhood. But I had to stop myself and be like okay, this happened, but like nobody's here now. My mom is not here, my stepfather is not here, nobody's forcing me to have a mess of a life, right. So that's when I realized that like okay, so if I had the power to Leave a messy life, then I can change things as well. So that's when everything really started for me. That's because I kind of took my power back and I was Feeling like I could do this, because I realized that I have the power within me to live Numbed life or to actually leave an empowered and happy life. So that's kind of how everything started for me.
Speaker 1:Wow, wow. As you're talking, I'm thinking about first of all, you are a strong, you know young lady to just, you know, just leave everything that you know, even though it was in a toxic situation. Yeah, just leave to another country by yourself. You know well, you know, for you know boyfriend at the time, but you decided to, you know, you didn't go back to what you knew.
Speaker 1:No decided to, you know, make the best out of the bad situation and continue to move forward. For talk to us as a woman of color, and what you go into another city or into another country, how was that for you when you made the transition?
Speaker 2:Listen, it was interesting. I never thought I would end up in Spain. When I came here, I didn't even speak Spanish. It happens that I am very good at other languages. Don't ask me why. Just I was born like this. I cannot give like credit to anything else. I studied and everything, but I never studied Spanish, anyways.
Speaker 2:So for me, as a black woman, it was. It was at the beginning it was like where am I? This is so different. But the thing is I've been living in Portugal. I was born in Angola, in Africa, but I was raised, but I was raised in Portugal, right.
Speaker 2:So I was used to being the only black woman, you know, in there, people looking at me, people asking me questions when are you from? And then the you know it gets longer and wrong, longer, and being in situations Asking yourself is this racism? Is this because I'm not from Spain? Is this fair? So at the beginning it can be quite Strange, but I think I was just very bold and I didn't listen to a lot of Things that people would say.
Speaker 2:I was so determined to stay here and my plan was actually to go back to Portugal, but I wanted to go back, like as a winner, I Stayed anyway. And well, I've been here for almost ten years, got my partner a whole life here, but I was just so determined to succeed. I wouldn't listen to anybody. I was working as a waitress, you know, and I came from Portugal, like I've been. I didn't finish my education at university, but I have kind of Good jobs in Portugal. I was a supervisor and all of a sudden, like I'm waiting tables so you've got to be willing to do things. You know that. You know that you don't want to do right, you have to humble yourself yeah.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and it was so good for me because actually I learned how to speak Spanish. Um, it was hell to be waiting in tables and people would make some weird comments about have you been in war? And stuff like that. I'm like, just because I'm black, you're asking me that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, tricky situation to be in. But I know racism is there and all of that. But I just have this thing where I'm like I'm going to rise above it, I'm going to, I don't care, and if you don't want me here, don't have me. I don't want to be around the racist people, that's what I know for sure, and that's the good part, where people really welcome you and just welcome the difference, the way you are, because I mean you're different. We have to face it like we're different.
Speaker 1:Yes, exactly, exactly. And we can use our differences to our advantage because we are yeah, we have so many one thing about us as black women we are very resourceful and we are very resilient and whatever we go through, somehow God put us in us, gives us that innate ability to overcome it. It may take a while, which is normal, but we just have that will to determination to push forward. And, with that being said, talk about how do you overcome trauma in our lives, how can you create a positive support system, what is your take or how do you teach us how to do that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, first of all, I needed to do this and I advise everybody to do it. You've got to clean the house. A lot of us are attached to people that are not healthy for us, and if you want to create room for healthy people and for healthy relationships. You just have to get rid of some people or at least reevaluate the relationships you have in your life. And just the thing is, some people are like you.
Speaker 2:Either cut them, which is very hard, especially when it comes to family, or you just have to put a lot of effort into it or you just have to put up with them. No, there's a middle ground. You can go step by step. Start by setting your boundaries. Really think about what are your boundaries and what are you willing to put up with, and remember that your boundaries need to have a consequence to people you can just put a boundary in people, because sometimes people tell me but they keep going over by boundaries and doing the same thing, but that's because they have no consequence to crossing your boundaries.
Speaker 2:If you say, if you keep talking to me this way, I am going to leave and you don't leave, well, then they have permission to keep doing what they're doing. So I would say, yeah, if you just set your boundaries and I would say, reevaluate your relationships. Let's say you have a very toxic person that you want to keep in your life either because it's your mom, your sister or whatever.
Speaker 2:Just realize that you don't have to spend 24 seven talking to this person. Realize that you can see them once a week instead of going there every day. You can call them when you feel like so many people. I see that when certain people call them, they're so quick to grab their phones and you're in this anxious mode and this other person, who is extremely toxic, is talking to you and you are responding to it and I mean that's not healthy at all. So really try to set the pace because you have options right.
Speaker 2:It's not one thing or the other. You've got control. Take back your control right and set boundaries, have consequence for your boundaries. Reevaluate the relationships at the time you spend with these people and then you will see you will have room for having healthy people in your life and for you to have those healthy people, because I know a lot of people are alone or feel lonely and they don't know where to get those people. I would say go out, go to different places, reach out to people. Talk to people online. I have friends of mine that I've met in different Facebook groups right, and they were into the same things that I was and I.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because if you, if you have these things in common In common, let's say, you love exercising or something, and and in your area there is this Facebook group and people talk about her exercising, going on high, go in there, talk to people and bringing these healthy people of course, evaluate them.
Speaker 1:Go on a date.
Speaker 2:But sometimes we close ourselves out and we think like, oh, I can only meet people at work If I go out at night or if it's family and it's not true.
Speaker 1:But you can look for these healthy people around you absolutely great advice because, honestly, I may introvert and that's one of the things I really have to work on is stepping out of my comfort zone. And I mean this is out of my comfort zone because I but I enjoy meeting other people, because I enjoy Lurian about different cultures and different. I met, like yourself, a lot of wonderful people through Facebook groups and you know that's not hard. But on a On a physical level, just stepping outside and actually meeting someone face to face, I'm still, that's still a challenge, but it, like you said, you never know who you, you know who guys put in your path. Until you make that, you know, initiative to step out and just yes, yes, I am extremely introvert, but I am.
Speaker 2:I rather be listening to people than talking. It's very for me to be around a lot of people. I get great. My partner, he's like all day. Yeah, I'm talking to people like, don't you get tired? I get, yeah, drained, and I totally get what you say. But sometimes, as you said, we have to step, just like a little step so we can make progress. Or like to a course, you know, is that something you're interested in? Just do a course and see who, who you're gonna meet there.
Speaker 1:Hmm, absolutely. So. Talk about your Empowerment coaching services. What do you offer to your clients?
Speaker 2:Yes, For now, because I'm working on other programs as well. I do one-on-one coaching and what I love about the coaching that I give is that I am going to adjust To your needs. It's all about yes, we are going to be talking about the past, but I'm a coach, I'm not a therapist. So what are you gonna do? We're gonna. We're gonna focus on the present and future, right?
Speaker 2:I think that sometimes I'm more like this kick on the butt that you need, because the people that's. That's what they need and it's me as a coach, knowing you as a survivor. I can help you take your life to the next level. So we go through all these limiting beliefs that you have that are tied to your past and, kind of like, just you know, take them down Once and for all, help you reconnect with yourself, really find what sparks joy in you and help you take the steps to go after what you want. We usually work in a three months period. I like to live at least a month to make sure you have time to integrate what you learned, because sometimes we you know, we have coaching or do these courses, take these courses and at the end of the day, you don't integrate everything and it doesn't become second nature. So I make sure, even if I have to go a little bit further, give you an extra week to make sure that you implement everything. So it's like actually true transformation.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's awesome, um, and I can just tell just the feeding out, the energy that you are very occurring and you want to make sure that, um, you know your clients are, you know, understand and and go through the process and know how to and, like you said, implement the tools that you, you know you've worked with them to have a lot of work and work and work together to make sure that you have the right to take a step up into their you know daily life, and so that I think that's awesome and there is a place for, you know, coaching and therapists and, like you said, a lot of people it's, you know, it's good to you know, have a therapist, I mean, but sometimes it's too triggering, you know, to really go deep back into childhood and you know, even though it's important, but right now, I think a lot of people, they have a goal, they want to know how to move forward and that's where you know, life coaching can come in and because I mean, it works hand and you know both can work hand-in-hand together.
Speaker 2:Exactly like I. I work with coaches. Now I'm starting with a new mindset coach. I had a life coach and I've been through therapy. There there are different things, and sometimes you just need different things, if you, let's say, you've been doing therapy for a long time.
Speaker 1:You're done talking.
Speaker 2:Now you need to get to action, and that's where a coach can come in handy. Because after all these talking, you're like, okay, like what do I do? I know all these things. What do I do now? Like right, no, maybe you know what you want from life. We're like where do I start? But you're still a survivor. You still have a nervous system that needs more love and more regulation. So I'm really happy that I can provide that. I can take you to that next level, but I can also make sure you're taking care of yourself in the process.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, yeah, absolutely. Any upcoming webinars or Classes that you're wanting to share with us.
Speaker 2:Yes, right now I am going live on Instagram every Tuesday at 5 pm GMT. Okay, tuesday I'm going live. It's a short live. I am working on Workshop, but you know how workshops take some work. I want to make sure I keep the best of me, so for now, you can find me live every Tuesday on on Instagram and also on Facebook and yeah and have a little bit of. We were. We have been talking about Taking your life to the next level without sacrificing self-care. We were talking about next level habits and and routines. I mean, I've been really going and giving you a lot of goodies there.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so. What I'll do is gather all the information and I'll make sure I put it in the show notes for people to make sure they follow. Please, please, follow Erica. I'm a part of her Facebook tribe. Talk about your own Facebook group.
Speaker 2:My Facebook group is called happy survivors tribe. In there, I give you everything that I shared everywhere, everywhere else, right? But the thing is, this Facebook group is about to level up, about to level up, and the workshop that I was taught telling you about is going to happen within the group For my tribe. That is there for free, oh yes. So Because I'm planning on taking the group to the next level, because I know that my tribe has been doing the work and now they are ready to step up, and me too, like my energy for 2024 is, I want to step up. I'm stepping up in my business. I'm stepping up.
Speaker 2:Yes but the life, and I want to take my tribe with me.
Speaker 1:So I mean hopping, that's. I think that's the mantra for a lot of us. We're stepping up to. 2024 is the year to step up and step out. We're gonna do this. I mean, you know enough of the, you know procrastination and you know blah, blah, blah. It's time to really get in gear and like and move forward and just do it. So I'm excited, I'm excited. So again, everybody you know I will put in all her information, her website. You have a website which is in the ticker for those who are watching by YouTube. I will put the website information for audio for those who are listening by audio. So any final words or of encouragement that you want to give, give us Before we leave.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I. I want to tell everybody that Sometimes you have this feeling that you're powerless, but actually you are not like you have the power to change things. Just because things have been like this Life has been hitting you in the face, that doesn't mean that you cannot make change. Yes, you can, and and, yeah, I am here to help you with that. Harriet has her podcast as well, and you're bringing awesome people in just soaking everything you can, and Make sure to do something with all the information that you get, because we get lost in information.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Get the information, act on it, change your life. It is possible. I promise you there you go.
Speaker 1:One last thing I do want to share my takeaway with this conversation. I think what hit me personally is the boundary setting and getting out of the you know being the people-pleaser or afraid of you know saying no, but you do. You have to set boundaries. You got to take care of yourself first before you can take care of others, and that means mentally, you know, spiritually, physically, whatever, but also set boundaries, because if people cross that boundary and they know they can do that, nothing's going to change. So it's all about them conforming to you rather than you conforming to them, and I think that's my mantra for you know 2024. So that's my takeaway and I so much appreciate you and the hard work and the work that you're doing for others, to help others to overcome.
Speaker 1:You know toxic situations, you know trauma I mean because there is a lot of people that have been through so much and I mean it's really coming out. And again, 2024 is like the year of Revelation. People are, a lot of things are coming out in the open. That has been kept, you know, under wraps for years and now you know people are starting to, you know, get tired of it and saying enough. I'm telling my story and we're going to. We're going to support it and embrace it, and we have people like Erica, who is there to help you along that journey. So let's reach out to her. Erica, thank you so much for being a part of my show. I would like to come back. Have you come back on another podcast to talk about? You know trauma through us, a difference of perspective, so I'll reach out to you about that. But everybody, please take care of yourself, please be safe, and we'll talk with you soon.