Moore 2 Discover Podcast
Discussion about challenges and triumphs by exploring the depths of self-discovery and personal and business growth.
Moore 2 Discover Podcast
Beyond the Strong Black Woman: Reclaiming Your Authentic Self
We sit down with relationship coach Danielle Dun to explore how women can redefine love, build healthy boundaries, and reclaim their self-worth both in and out of relationships. Danielle shares her journey from spoken word artist to empowerment coach who helps women transform their approach to dating and partnerships.
• Danielle's three signature coaching programs: Empowerment of the Strong Black Woman, Embracing Serenity in Singleness, and Aligned Partnership Blueprint
• The burden of being "the strong one" in relationships and how women can prioritize their own needs without guilt
• Why dating yourself first creates the foundation for healthy future relationships
• Setting firm boundaries in the early stages of dating to avoid being rushed into physical intimacy
• How to balance traditional values with modern dating approaches when meeting potential partners
• The importance of taking time between relationships to rediscover yourself and your needs
• Tips for navigating dating apps while maintaining your standards and self-respect
Visit Queens Inspired LLC -https://queensinspireco.com to learn more about Danielle's coaching packages, including her special Women's History Month celebration offering 60% off all coaching packages through June 14th.
Email her at: danispeakstruth2021@yahoo.com
Follow Danielle on Instagram @DannySpeaksTruth or subscribe to her YouTube channel "Love and Inspiration Hub."
Song Credit: "You can Fly so High" by Fasol
Facebook: www.facebook.com/@moore2discover
Moore 2 Discovery Podcast email: contact@moore2discovery.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/@moore2discover
Thank you for watching. All right, hey, hey, hey, hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode for more to discover podcast. This is this podcast in the space where growth, healing and discover all collide. I'm your host, harriel westmore, and today's episode is one for the heart. I'm so excited to introduce my special guest, danielle dun, who is a powerhouse relationship coach whose mission is to help women redefine love, build healthy boundaries and reclaim their self-worth in and out of relationships. She has also accomplished Arthur, in which she has penned three insightful self-help books, including Dear Black Girl. This Is why you Are so Dope, sis Upgrade, not Downgrade. A guide to attracting authentic relationships and conquer your fear. A guide to taking back your power. All right, welcome, danielle. I'm so appreciative and thank you so much for your patience. We've been having a little bit of technical difficulties, but hopefully we will get through this and this is going to be well worth the episode because you have so much information, so much wisdom to impart for all of our audience, so welcome.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank you, thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:Sure, all right, let's get started. Relationships started um relationships. Where do we start? I mean, it's so much things going on with in our own lives in relationship, the dynamics of relationship through self celebrities to the church relationships, to our intimate relationships. So just kind of give me a brief background of why you wanted to hone in and create relationship issues as your niche as a coach.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, it all started probably like when I was 16 and a lot of my friends and family members had relationship problems and they were always coming to me asking for advice, and before I give them any advice, I would tell them okay, do you really want my opinion? And if so, do you want me to tell you the truth or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear? Because I can do either one, but if I tell you what you want to hear, then it's going to do you a disservice so best that I tell you the truth.
Speaker 2:And when I tell people truth, I say it with love. You know I'm firm, but I say it with love, like I'm not mean, and yet they take it like the complete opposite and I'm just like but I said out of love and I'm like. You asked me. Clearly, you asked me because you know I know the right answer and anyone else asks they're going to tell you what you want to hear and it's going to keep you in that situation that you're trying to get it out of right now, and so that was from 16 way up to now.
Speaker 2:And then it was like March of 2021. I had retired from the arts community because I used to do spoken word. So I was a spoken word artist for over 20 years and I got to a point where I didn't feel that I had to prove myself anymore because I was like constantly, you know, trying to prove that I'm good enough and I'm worthy. And after a while I was like you know what? I one day, I just like woke up and I was like you know, I think it's gonna be the day I'm gonna announce my retirement and I went on Facebook, long posts and I'm like effective today, you know.
Speaker 2:And as soon as I did that, like more people started wanting to book me for stuff and everybody was like are you sure, why are you quitting? And I'm all like I don't look at it as quitting. I'm like I can see if I did it for a week and then I quit. But it's like over 20 years of my life, you know, and I wrote 13 collections. I was in a play, I was in two music videos, one on my play to love interest, one, um, I recited my poetry, beginning, poetry beginning of RB Snickers. I mean, it's like I did everything I wanted to do and more. I did it. And I'm just like now I'm looking at it as I'm just closing this chapter in my life. I don't want people and then I don't want people to know me as just a poet, like that's all I can do, like I can't do anything else Right.
Speaker 1:And so I started getting into that's a poet. Like that's all I can do, like I can't do anything else, and I'm right other than I can.
Speaker 2:And so I started getting into being a motivational speaker, and I was thinking about that a year prior to me retiring. But then, once it, like you know, the decision was final, like we're doing it today. And then I went to the speaking and then in June I started. Um, I saw a lot of speakers were coaching you see what this life coach thing is all about, and so it took me a while to hone in on my niche as a coach. I had got my first certification in Transformation Academy I think it was a happiness certification.
Speaker 2:So I was a happiness coach and then trying to explain to people what a life coach is. That is the hardest conversation with somebody who was not in their world. You know, you. You're coming from the arts and you're trying to explain to a comedian or a poet what a life coach is.
Speaker 1:In my mind.
Speaker 2:I'm like I don't know.
Speaker 1:I just got in this.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to figure this out myself. You're asking me this question.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to figure this out, wow.
Speaker 2:I had to research a lot. Let me me I don't know. Let me see what it is, because some people would confuse life coaching with counseling. And there is in psychology it's all the same and it has the same. They're all in the personal development like field, yes, but they all like serve a different purpose and once I researched that I had to break it down to some people.
Speaker 2:I'm like, okay, this is what I'm like with a life coach. I'm like I had to pretty much simplify it and be like okay, basically, what a what a psychologist does? We do everything that they do, except for we cannot diagnose anyone or give them medication or prescriptions. That's the only difference. Other than that, everything else is the same. Explain it their way. It's like, oh, okay. Then in my mind I'm glad that was a good enough answer because I was like I explain what coaching was like right, yeah and I started off um coaching.
Speaker 2:Uh, well, first it was all women, and then I realized you can't coach everybody because everybody's not the audience. And then, okay, well, let me narrow it down to women of color. Color was like, you know, women who are not non-white, women like asians, so forth. No, that's, that's not working so let's narrow it down again.
Speaker 2:I was like let's just do single black women and so I was helping women, um, with dealing with trauma and stuff. Then I realized the trauma that I was helping them with was the trauma that I was still dealing with and I have, like certain topics I touched on, it triggered things in me.
Speaker 2:It got to a point where I started getting kind of down and depressed and I was like I can't coach people on stuff like this, I'm not healed from it. I'm not healed from it. Yeah, let me take a step back and let me try to find something else that I'm completely healed in. That way I can talk from a healed place instead of a hurt place.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And it took a minute, but like four years later then I decided you know what I was like. Okay, what is one thing that everybody struggled with? I had had a conversation with myself I need, I need something, I need to do something that everybody has experiencing, Everyone struggles with, and then, from there, narrow it down. I already have single black women. What is one thing that single black women struggle with?
Speaker 2:And I'm like relationships I'm like okay, so what kind of single black women? Because it's different like areas of single black women we're gonna do professional single black women and I was like, okay, professional single black women struggling with relationships, relationships, romantically, on the job, within themselves. And once I like tweaked it a little bit and I was like that, and I and I, when I thought about it, I'm like when you are developing a coaching program, you have to develop, um, the material that fits like what you already lived. Right, you can't coach somebody on something that you never experienced, because the sessions are not going to be authentic and then you're just going to be rambling for answers, versus if you create it in a place where, okay, what have I gone through in my life, where I healed from and gain experience and knowledge, and then I can share the tips that I learned, you know, and give to the other person.
Speaker 2:And then I just write down different stuff and I was like, okay, this, this, this, and so then I came up with three programs. The first one is called Empowerment of the Strong Black Woman and one day I was just sitting at my desk and I don't know if it was something I heard on TV or what, but the idea of being the strong one, you know, the strong one in your family, the strong one in your relationships, friendships, and I was like you know what I'm like. Nobody never talked about being the strong one and I don't think anybody has a program like that, like how do you deal with being the strong person in the friend group, in the family and that?
Speaker 2:and then I thought about like that's me, I'm the strong, like that's a lot of us, yeah yeah, and I was like I don't think I ever talked about it out loud and I was like, well, I should develop a program like that, what it feels like. And I thought about it. I was like, when you're the strong one, no one ever asks your permission on if you want to be the strong one. They never say, hey, do you want to be strong? Family point you out and just assume like you know what you're automatically going to be. The strong person you're, you're going to hold everyone up, lift everybody up. You're going to take care of everybody.
Speaker 2:Um, where you're not going to think about your feelings. If you do, you're selfish. Um, you have to put every piece above your own. It's not about you. Stop all that crying. What you crying for? You are strong, you can handle it, you can take it. And then on inside, you're like, no, I cannot handle it, I cannot take it. I am a human being. At the end of the day, I still have feelings and I cannot carry all y'all on my back Like it's like I'm there for you all, but who's there for?
Speaker 1:me Exactly and I'm so glad you have you know, actually and I'm listening to how you started and how you narrow everything down to you know packages in a different facets of relationship, because this particular package of strong women, it, it it's definitely something that we all can attest to and it and it goes back to what you said in the beginning of people just came to you, for you know, just to talk about their relationships. How did they? They just looked at you and say, oh, you're strong, I'll you for you know, just to talk about their relationships. How did they? They just looked at you and said, oh, you're strong, I'll you know. You just had that.
Speaker 1:I guess it's kind of a catch-22 because you, you know, you have that ability that have that gift to for people to come to you and they want to talk to you in confidence about what's going on. You want to help them. But then it's like, on the other hand, you're taken for granted because they think you're strong, they think that you can handle all of this, and then in the meantime, you're struggling on the inside, right exactly. So just having that particular facets of you know, having that dynamic of relationship, is definitely a key piece of trying to self heal.
Speaker 1:Take care of yourself Because, as I say, you know the old adage of when you're on the airplane, put the mask on yourself first before you help others. Right, and you know, being a coach, it is, it's a catch-22 and that part of your package, of what you're offering, I think it's it's great, it's a, um great idea for that particular uh facet of relationship with the second one and the second one is um, it's called embracing serenity, singleness, and that is learning to date yourself, which is something recently now, the minute that I came up with it.
Speaker 2:Now, when I like look at stuff on tv, I'm hearing more and more men and women talking about dating themselves and I was like I'm like did like the universe or God, like just hear what I just said, they going to do what I do. I'm like no one was talking about that until I started doing it.
Speaker 1:And then I was like everybody wants to jump in that time, but you know what?
Speaker 2:It's cool though.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Packages about learning to date. Because when you get, you go from being in a relationship and then getting out of that relationship and then you have the healing stage where you're learning to you. You have a stage where you're grieving, you're angry, and then from there, then acceptance, and then from there then, when people are healed, they're like, okay, I'm going to start dating. But it's like wait a minute. What between the time you was hurt and healed and took I want to date? What time do you spend by yourself? Like, what time do you like after you were healed? You're a new person. You're not the person you were when you were in that relationship. So what time have you taken out to be like let me get to know the new me and learn the new me and date this person.
Speaker 2:And what I want in a mate? I need to start treating myself like that. I want somebody to compliment me and give me positive affirmations and take me on dates. Why don't I do that with myself first?
Speaker 2:It's stuff that we never think about because we're so busy trying to get with the next person and then, when we do, they don't give us what we need in a relationship. But it's like okay, have you taken the time to actually like, make out a list. Think about what type of mate do you want? What qualities are you looking for? What you're not going to, you know, deal with, like, okay, well, this relationship, I dealt with all this and I ain't dealing with it. This time I'm going to do things differently, or this is the type of person I want. I don't think that we think about that, especially as black women, because, right, it's like the older we get, we sometimes we have pressure on us that we have to be married or have kids by a certain time and if we don't, something's wrong with it exactly like no, it's like some women choose to be married or start a family later because they're career orienting first.
Speaker 2:They want to, they want to. They want to finish college and get their degree, they want to be established in their career, they want to make a certain amount of money or they want to have a house in this neighborhood, they want to travel. It's like they want to get themselves together first. Right, they start doing everything else. And that's what people don't understand about. You know, a professional black woman is that you know we're trying to get our career first, because once you start a family, it's hard to start a career and do everything else when your're a wife and a mother.
Speaker 2:So that's why they're like I know I'm not going to fully be in on it, so I'm just going to go ahead and just be by myself for a while. And then, when I got me together and did everything I wanted to do, then I invited someone into my life.
Speaker 2:So that's what the serenity package is. It's pretty much telling you hey, don't be so quick to run back out in the streets. There's nothing there. It's not, you know, dating and all that is going to be there. It's not going anywhere. It's like get you together first because you can get into a relationship with somebody and later on you feel like, why am I in this relationship?
Speaker 1:I regret being with it I'm stuck, I want to get out.
Speaker 2:I can't get out, no, but is is um. But yeah, but some women they're afraid of being alone and and I've seen it through friends where they just like serial date. Every time you look up they got somebody new. And or I like my brother, he had um when he was alive, like every week. I remember I was living with him for like three months and every week he was a different girl and I'm like why?
Speaker 2:first of all, where are you getting all these women from and why are you getting a different female every week? I mean like clockwork, there'll be a girl every week, and it's like what is going on here, and, and it comes down to, even with men, they and you always wonder why do they run through all these different women? And it's because they don't want to be alone. You know have self-esteem issues.
Speaker 2:They feel that they have to keep up this image, especially if there's someone who's attractive and popular, then it's like I have all these different girls or I'm gonna get real, deep, real, keep it 100. A lot of them be on the down low, yeah, hello and they don't want to know. So they figure, if I date all these women, sleep with all these different women, right, and they ain't gonna know that I'm gay or that I'm bisexual yeah.
Speaker 2:It could be another reason. It could be something they have been abused in their lives. So many different factors that happen and that's why it's just always important to when you date someone, you have to know who you are. Because when you go on dates with people I had guys I went on dates with I remember one guy asked me so what do you bring to the table? And I was like what? I didn't even know how to like respond to that. What do I bring to explain and prove like that I'm good enough. I'm like, first of all, you're, you're, you're sitting across from me now so clearly it's something about me.
Speaker 2:It shows that I am worthy of your time and vice versa, you know, but the type who he wanted to be courted. It was like he was a female and I was a guy, like he wanted me to court him and that I was good enough for him. Instead of him being the man and courting me, it was the complete opposite, like when you have to prove you're worthy.
Speaker 1:You don't have that dynamic often, in that sense, because it's usually the women want to be courted and but he's asked it's usually the women okay, what can you do for me, what do you bring? But it's usually the women. Okay, what can you do for me? You know, what do you bring? You know. But it's interesting that it was the opposite with this guy that you're describing, that you know. He's asking you what do you bring to the table? And I want to be courted. I want you know. It's like I want the flowers, I want you know you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Oh, you want me to get your hair and your nails done. You want me to do that, like you know. Right, right, right.
Speaker 1:That's. That's a rare relationship issue I've never heard, you know that it turned around like that. And what you were saying about your brother, um, it's kind of that is kind of a a double standard because your brother was dating. You know, women, women, women, we women, um, did that, or, or there's a woman who do that, or there's a woman who do that. There's a name for that Exactly. You know what I mean. Yeah, right, and the same issues internally, what you're saying, what a lot of men are probably are dealing with, that they don't want, you know, to discuss. It's the same, you know thing that we, as women, may be going through low self-esteem and don't want to be alone, and you know, been through trauma and all this. But you know it's frown upon, you know, and we are called out a certain name if we are, you know, dating, you know doing serial dating, so to speak.
Speaker 2:So, exactly, and, yeah, go ahead and yeah, and that's why, um, like that's why I say it's so. With me I never had a problem with being by myself, because when I'm in a relationship I give like a thousand percent. You know, I'm all in. There is no, I'm halfway in or I'm in a little bit. No, I'm all the way in.
Speaker 2:And then when it don't work out, everything I put in it like drains me and once I'm like drained, I'm not thinking about jumping back to another relationship. I'm like no, I'm like this is exhausting, I'm tired, I need to be by myself. But I don't see how other women can be with somebody for a long time and then hop right into something else. I'm like what time did you did you heal Were?
Speaker 2:you healing in a relationship or what Like. I mean what happened? How you just just something with somebody else. So I am making being single cool again because a lot of people frown upon you being a single black woman and being successful. I'm like it's dope being single because you don't have. You don't have to worry about coming home and arguing with somebody like he's gonna be arguing me about something again into a fight with him, or somebody being jealous, you know, over having guys there's something going on with you and the guy that accused you.
Speaker 2:You ain't doing like that. You ain't gotta worry about headaches you know none of that. I'm like right I am free stress and headaches and I ain't gotta worry about cleaning up after nobody cooking for nobody like I can come and go. I don't have to worry about nobody texting me, but were you ready? How long you gonna? Be out first of all, you're not my daddy okay, right, and it's like I'm a grown woman I'm all, I am with girls, I come home when I feel like coming home.
Speaker 1:Okay, leave me alone, right exactly you don't have to worry about all this, I'm all like and what's so sad is a lot of women can misconstrue that as oh he's. You know he's just looking out for me. You know that shows he cares and all that. No, I mean, when it's been to that point, that's a kind of a flag there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah yeah, well, he's putting like trackers on your phone yeah, your car right that? That that's being obsessive there is nothing cute about that no, not at all getting extremely jealous to the point where he want to fight people. Oh, you know, you just love me. No, I'm all like you up here trying to fight everybody that look at me we got a problem because yeah guys are gonna look you know, you beat up everybody that thinks I'm attractive. It's like you can't do that.
Speaker 2:You know it's like as long as they don't, you know, come to me and they try to talk to me in front of you, then I'm upset. But if the guys is like way over in the corner and he's just admiring me, I'm like he's just looking like I'm with you, so why? Why are you tripping? I'm with you, calm down, so right, yeah, and I think about that. I'm just like, yeah, I don't have to worry about the stress, the headache. I could be myself. You know all that. So this program was about women who struggle with being single. I'm teaching them that being single is cool. It doesn't mean anything's wrong with you. It's many different factors why people are single. Some people they get so comfortable being single to where they don't want a relationship, and that's okay.
Speaker 2:I'm good Like. I like being single. I like having my freedom. You know, a relationship is just. It should be like an added bonus. It shouldn't be like your main source of happiness because, for that person to always make you happy. When they disappoint you, then it's just going to ruin your whole day. So it's like and I think people look at relationships as this is the only way I can be happy. You know, you can be happy by yourself.
Speaker 2:And then also there are people who are in relationships and marriages and they're miserable. And you have people who are single and they are just as happy as can be. I've been on both sides where I've been in a relationship and I felt lonely.
Speaker 1:And when I was by myself.
Speaker 2:I had so much joy. So it's like it just goes to show relationships don't equal happiness. You see this married or in relationships. Especially when you see them on social media, you're just like, oh, their life looks so perfect.
Speaker 1:They look so happy.
Speaker 2:You don't know what's going on when they turn them cameras off.
Speaker 1:Exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2:They think that they're happy, right, perfect, and you do. And this is not all couples. You do have some couples that are genuinely happy. But I'm talking about the ones that be faking Right and there's a lot, yeah, and they're not happy you know, yeah, and then um, your last, you got three packages, so without the second one.
Speaker 1:So what's the final in the third?
Speaker 2:and the final one is, once you got adjusted to being single and I say be single for at least a year to get to know yourself. Once you discover who you are and you are deeply rooted in the love and the confidence that you have for yourself, you set boundaries. You're like OK, I know who I am, I know what I want. All right, I'm ready to go back out to this dating world. And this is a line blueprint, aligned partnership blueprint, and this one, um, teaches you how to attract the type of relationships that you want.
Speaker 2:Like some people, they don't know what they want in a relationship they're like I know I don't want what I had last time, that I know for certain, but what I want now specifically, I don't know. So in this program I sit women down, I get their history on okay, what was your last relationship like? And then we go from there. Then I'm like, okay, you don't want that. Let's talk about what we do want. Like how do you see yourself with the next person? Like, how do you want to feel? Like, what are the things that you want you all to do together? Like, do you want to somebody that's going to build with you, someone who's going to support you in your dreams and your goals and aspirations?
Speaker 2:Like I start you know I asked them like really deep personal questions. Like, think about, just think about what a healthy, loving if you haven't had a healthy, loving relationship, imagine what it would feel like. Start thinking about it. It becomes real because you're like, oh wow, this really, this feel real, like I can actually see that happening. And so we just come together with a plan on okay, this is the type of guy that you want, how we go attract him. And then different ways of, and they always tell women don't go looking for a man. I'm like. And when people say that I hate. When people say that because it's like, I feel like, it's like this, like don't go looking for a man, I'm like, and when people say that I hate when people say that because it's like I feel like it's like this like don't go looking and you just like where's the man at?
Speaker 2:I'm trying to find the man, where's the man at? Like literally just walking in the street and just looking for a man.
Speaker 1:Where is my husband?
Speaker 2:Lord? Where is my husband, Lord? Where is he at? We're not doing it. We're like if someone says I want a relationship, well, don't go looking, no one is. I'm not doing this. Okay, I just said I desire a relationship. I'm not going out actually looking, Right, I want someone to come to looking Right.
Speaker 2:Right, no, I want someone to come to me and then, at the same time, I feel like I'm like a combination of old school and new school. Like old school, yes, I want the courting, but then sometimes if you see a guy that you're interested in he looking at you, you looking at him and making a move, go up to him and talk to him. There's nothing wrong with walking up to a guy and talking to him and like, hey, um, you was looking at me, I was looking at you and we was doing this for like an hour and I'm all like is someone going to say something?
Speaker 2:And then sometimes, because sometimes if a guy doesn't come up to you, he's afraid that you're going to reject him and as women, we're told, don't go up to no man, don't go looking.
Speaker 1:Right. You sit there and miss out. So both, like you said, both of you sitting there looking at each other for an hour and nobody's making a move Right, it's like somebody got to make a move.
Speaker 2:So it's like I ain't buying him a house, I'm just going up to him and just letting him know I'm interested because some guys need that push and they see him and they're just like, oh my gosh, she looks so beautiful, she probably going to shoot me down. She probably ain't't gonna give me a time today. And when you actually go up to them and talk to them, yes, you talk to me. Oh my gosh, you know that's what they thinking in their mind.
Speaker 2:And so when you break the ice, then, it's like oh okay, then it allows him to like be the man, but like talk to him, let him know you interested, but still let him be the man. But talk to him, let him know you're interested, but still let him be the man. Don't completely take over. Be like look me and you gonna go out Friday night Meet me. You gonna meet me at this spot at 8 o'clock. Be there. No, don't do all that. Just let him know Introduce yourself. How you doing my name's?
Speaker 1:Danielle.
Speaker 2:I thought you were very attractive, you know and if you want to ask my on a date, you can but introduce yourself first and kind of coax him asking you out, because right, ask him out, then that mean this new school. They gonna expect you to pay and and. I'm a school school. I'm not paying for nothing. Okay, so I'm just like you're going to ask me out and you ask me out, you're the man you're courting me. You're going to pay.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Just that simple. I don't feel like a woman should reach into her pocket and always paying for stuff is, I feel like it takes away from him being a man when yeah, he's throwing your checkbook in his face, like and the fact that he's okay with it, the fact that some men are okay with oh, she got it she's gonna pay for it.
Speaker 1:I was getting ready to say, because I mean, unfortunately, that's a lot of the mentality of, well, I'm old school too and maybe it's just a different generation. It's a huge generation gap with me because a lot of these younger guys, they're okay with it, they want their women to take care of them, period. And they don't see, you know, anything wrong with that. Um, and that could go. I mean, that could be going back. Well, maybe they didn't have a man and their dad wasn't. They didn't have a father, a real man, father figure or a man in their life that really showed them what it's like to be to be a man. You know what I mean and what the responsibilities of a man, what I mean and what the responsibilities of a man. So, yeah, I'm the same way and I like how you said.
Speaker 1:You know you can introduce yourself. There's nothing wrong with you, that's nothing being forward or being fast or being. You know to introduce yourself. But then you know, you step back and you kind of let him and you can kind of fill them out. You can kind of see what type of person it is If he takes, you know, the initiative to. You know you broke that ice. Now it's up to him to you know, follow through and then you can pretty much tell from you know the conversation of what type of person he is. So what do you think? What's? What do you think about um meeting someone from these dating apps? What's your take on dating apps?
Speaker 2:uh, I tried dating apps when I was in my 30s and I I had a lot of horror stories, you know. Uh, being on the apps, like, is this one app not gonna say the name, the app, but everybody back in the day it was real big. Right now I don't know if people are still on there. Last time I went on there they changed like the name or something of it, and I personally feel like dating apps are like a meat market. I feel like a lot of people on there they don't take dating seriously. A lot of them.
Speaker 2:When I was on there, a lot of guys were using them up as hookup apps. They just meet with somebody and they're just like okay, yeah, she look cute, I'll go ahead and go out with you. And then from there they just like okay, yeah, she look cute, I'll go ahead and go out and go out with you. And then from there they're like so why don't we go back to my place for some drinks? We just had drinks. We've been in this, we've been in this bar for two hours and you want to go back and have more drinks and more food.
Speaker 2:Why do I need to have more drinks, more food? That was the whole point of us being at this bar or this restaurant right that and I'm all like the date was good, but it wasn't that good but.
Speaker 2:I was just like hold on I don't I'm this is the first date yeah, you already tried to move into the physical part. I was like, no, you had to earn it. I feel like as a woman, if you and the guy have chemistry and if there's a mutual agreement to where you're sexually attracted to somebody and you're like, yeah, I think I might want to go home with him then you're free to do it. But, I advise that you don't.
Speaker 1:Every once in a while.
Speaker 2:You may have those moments, but getting back out into the dating world so casually and I feel like it is your body, is a temple exactly.
Speaker 2:When you're intimate with somebody, you letting that part, it's like a soul exchange exactly that's exactly what it is yeah, whatever characteristics that they have, whether you realize it or not, you start taking on those same characteristics and traits. You don't start noticing until later on. So if you don't let the right person in, then whatever traits, whatever traumas that they have is going to become your traumas. You have to be really careful and if you're looking for something serious, you have to be very careful with that and like make somebody earn it you know you're gonna have some guys that's gonna be like, okay, well, I just get it from somebody else.
Speaker 2:Well, you just do that, then you just get it from right, like you. I'm like, whether I give to you or not, you still gonna bounce either way that I just not even go there with you, because I'm like, if that's all that's on your mind, then you're not looking for anything serious, because if a guy has like pressure you to be intimate so fast.
Speaker 2:That's a problem. And another thing is I know for me personally on the first date I don't like when a guy is too touchy, feeling like you want to hold your hand and sit real close to you.
Speaker 2:Why are we sitting close together, like, sit across Looking at you, like this all night. I want to be looking at you. You don't have to sit next to me, you do not have to hold my hand, because if you agree to hold a hand, then it's oh, could I touch your leg, let me touch your shoulder. And then you try to like after that, then you try to kiss me and then when you try to kiss me, then you want to take me home.
Speaker 1:So it's like right, right go different levels.
Speaker 2:So it's like I'm gonna cut it off before it starts. So it's like don't let him touch nothing, not even holding your hand, because I'm like I look at it as we're two strangers getting to know each other. What strangers do you know start holding hands when they first meet each other? Not that many, I'm like what do you hold my hand for? You can see my hands, you can see them. You don't need to hold them.
Speaker 2:Okay you, you can see them, you don't need to hold them. Okay, you see my lips, you don't need to kiss them. I was just like I, I need to know you first. So, and it may, I don't like I say that's. That's me personally, because I feel like when you want to get into me so fast, it lets me know where your mind is at like you're not trying to get to know me, you're trying to take me when I was just like no.
Speaker 2:So you gotta set boundaries. You have to be firm when they start that mess and be like um, look, trying to get to know each other. We're not on it. Oh, we can go back to the crib. We ain't going back nowhere. We've been here for two hours, you know, and if everything goes well and I like you enough, we can set up another date. Right, that's where they, that's what dating is for. It's like all the other stuff comes later.
Speaker 2:And I do have a funny story, like speaking of guys moving fast. It was one guy when I'm with. I told him. I said before I go back to somebody's house, I have to go on 20 dates with them Consective dates before I go back to their place. You know he tried to take me on 20 dates. Then one night he found different places to go to and he was counting them like, okay, this date number one, date number two, three, like he was trying to fit 20 dates in one night. It's only 12. You're gonna take me to 20 different locations and count those as dates. Okay, now you're going to come back to my place. No, multiple dates in the same day. Yeah, it will be like once or twice a week. There was stretched out about two, three months, you know.
Speaker 1:But he was trying to like do it all in one night, that's another. Yeah, that's another level of speed dating. It is.
Speaker 2:I was just like I was exhausted. I think we only got to 10 dates. We keep talking to 10 different places because we couldn't do 20, because it's like all the restaurants closed and certain times I was just like I can't believe this food, trying to put these in 20 different places and go count these as dates. I'm like. So us going to 20 different restaurants, that's not a date. I need a variety. Could we go to a carnival, a concert, a coffee shop or something? It can't be.
Speaker 1:We're going to different restaurants that is funny, that is funny yeah that's rushing it, that was yeah that's another high level of speed dating. Yeah, it is.
Speaker 2:I was just like I'm never going to tell nobody that ever again. It's going to take me X amount of days. I was like I'm not even going to say that. No. I was just like I'm never going to tell nobody that ever again. It's going to take me X amount of days. I was like I'm not even going to say that, no more. I'm like after that I was just like I have to get to know you and when I feel comfortable then we'll go there. So I just started doing that, moving forward, but I didn't think no one was going to actually take me seriously, Like, oh, okay, we're going to actually take me seriously. Okay, we're going to do all 20 dates the same day, yeah.
Speaker 1:That's one for the books, that's one of the books. So, danielle, how can people want to reach out to you if they want to, you know, do a consultation with you, or how can they connect with you?
Speaker 2:well, they can um actually go on my website and on my website my social media is on there. So I'll say start the website, which is a queens inspire llc. So if you type in Queens Inspired LLC, my website will come up and from there I have a special going on with all my coaching packages 60% off. It's a Queens celebration, celebrating Women's History Month, so I started the promo March 14th and it ends on June 14th, so only the coaching package is 60%.
Speaker 2:Everything's marked off. Everybody got their taxes back, so you ain't got no reason to be like I can't afford to get 60% off. I'm going to do it annually, every year around this time, so I'm like you, better get it in June 14th and cut off regular prices what a great deal.
Speaker 1:And she says something about your taxes. And if you don't have your taxes yet, I do do taxes. I am a qualified tax preparer. So if you need your taxes done so that you get your refund, and then you can reach out to danielle and get and do something for yourself, um, use that refund to replenish yourself for once. Instead of you know, I know you got to pay this off, you got to get another car. You know every. You know we use our refund to pay the past bills from Christmas and all this stuff.
Speaker 1:Once you invest in yourself, invest in yourself and take advantage of the 60% off of her packages and her, I mean, you could tell that her packages are tailor-made, um, to address all the needs that we, you know we deal with. You know we need to learn how to date ourselves and be okay with it. Okay, it's okay to just, you know, take a breather from that, get away from that toxic relationship and kind of relearn yourself. As you put yourself in a situation where you lost your, your wealth, well-being of who you are into, you know someone else, and they suck the drain, you know, suck the life out of you. Now it's time for you to replenish yourself and Danielle, she is the person to do it because, I mean, you can tell she's very passionate helping you know our women and are you on any type of social media platform?
Speaker 2:Yes, I am, I am on.
Speaker 2:LinkedIn Duncan, and then Instagram Danny Speaks Truth, Duncan. And then Instagram Danny Speaks Truth. And then I have a YouTube channel. It's a love and inspiration hub. So I need subscribers because I ain't got that many people, so I need y'all to go on there. So my channel I'm going to have stuff about my coaching. I have speaker reels. I just got back into being a women's empowerment speaker. I was like out of there, but now I'm gradually getting back in there. So I'm gonna start uploading videos and doing like speaker presentations of me doing my new signature talks. I'll probably do like a talk, maybe like once a month, put it out there. And then also I'm gradually getting back into my poetry bag. It's going to be some spoken word on there. So I just did a.
Speaker 2:I have a 10 book anthology called the Love Sessions, when Poetry Comes to Life, and I realized a lot of my poems, like when I started doing poetry.
Speaker 2:People would come up to me in the beginning of my poetry career and they're like what mind space were you in when you wrote that poem? And one poem that stuck out was the first poem that I did to music, called Mr Sax man, and I did a Boney James track and people were like it was one part where I said leaving a trail of musical notes from the bedroom to the doorstep. You can actually see, like you can visualize, musical notes like on the floor and women. And this one lady came up to me she's like I love that poem, like I could actually, and she quoted a line back. She's like I could actually see that leaving the trail of musical notes from the bedroom to the doorstep. I can actually see that like I actually saw the musical notes like moving from the bedroom to the doorstep and that stuck with me and maybe like a few weeks ago I was like you know what Something was telling me do, like at first it was going to be just five poems and never going to be short stories in one book.
Speaker 2:And then I'm like, no, let me go ahead and just make them separate books to give them like their own story, like a full on novel. And I'm just going to make like all my signature poems that I perform and then there's some that I never performed. That's like hitting gems and just bring them to life. And so I was like, yeah, let me do this. So I just started writing and then I was like to promote it, I'm going to do visuals, so I'm going to do like an audio and then I create I generated like an AI scene and I'll type in the scene of how I'm wanting to be. In the first one I kind of did it backwards because Mr Saxman is volume one and I see him as volume two. So I did the visual for volume two first, because I couldn't come up with the music for Mr Saxman. I couldn't find the right fit for that. So I did that first and I set it up to where. No, actually it wasn't. I see him. It was a come over. That's in a later volume of the anthology. I think it's like maybe five. So that was the first one I came out with. I just put it out there to see how people are going to respond and it was pretty much like me driving and there's a guy that I want to see. But I was like I don't know if I should pull up or not. And so I did like a AI picture of a woman that's driving and at nighttime and the moon is in the back. And then I'm like on the poem and then, before I did it, I asked some sound effects like you know poem. And then, before I did it, I asked some sound effects like you know, the car, stop and door and all that. And then I go into the poem and they got a lot of responses. People like, all right, bar, it's a bar, I love that.
Speaker 2:I was like, okay, so, and it was on Sunday, so I was up late and I was like, let me go ahead and load it up. And then I was like okay, let me do this every sunday, this every sunday. I was like I'm just gonna load up a visual. So the next visual was I see him and I was like, how do I want this set up? And I said, oh, you know what, I'm for the gold back to my college days, and I'm for the set it up to where a girl is at an open mic and I had her have a Benedict college shirt on, cause I'm with the Benedict college.
Speaker 2:I'm like, and I and I was that's when I first started getting the spoken word like when I was in college. So I was like we just go ahead and do that. She got a microphone Everybody's sitting around. And then that she got a microphone everybody's sitting around, and then I like it starts off with everybody's clapping and then it slows down and then my voice comes on and I started doing a poem, and then that that did well. So then I was like okay, now we gonna do mr saxman, which is the first volume that actually drops next week. Wow, uh, april 4th, okay, dr maya angelou's birthday wow, what a great timing.
Speaker 1:great timing. So I mean she has a lot of good stuff. Y'all, y'all, come on, we're gonna go out and support, subscribe to your channel. I'll have all her information in the show notes for the final editing. But I mean this has been a great conversation. I love your energy, I love your humor, but you also, you know, have you know, some gems and wisdom in what we need to do to kind of take care of ourselves? And I wanted to. I know we have talked about this off air, but I have another podcast for women in public safety and I wanted you know to have you on for that podcast to talk about relationships with those who are incarcerated and that type of dynamics. So I'm going to bring you back on at another time for that particular podcast episode, for that podcast. So I am.
Speaker 1:I mean you guys, thank you so much for listening. This is a good conversation. Like I said, I will have all her information. So please, please, please, let's support our sister. She has so much I mean you can tell she's very creative session you'll probably change your way of thinking and, you know, want to do better as far as having a healthy relationship for yourself. So you guys, you guys, I'm sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 2:And also I almost forgot to mention I do have a starter package as well that I'm running for people who don't want to fully commit to a package just yet. The starting package, it has like two um 60-minute coaching sessions and then it has like any coaching package, just so you can get the feel of what it's like working with a coach, and it's very inexpensive, it's 249 and it's a guarantee.
Speaker 2:So if you're not feeling my coaching, you get your 249 back, but you're gonna feel it anyway. But it's a good package. To start off with the starter coaching package, 249 one-time fee. You're going to love it and then after that you're going to end up moving up to one of my other packages. So that's another thing for people who are, like you know, tight with money $249, start a package and then I have the women's group coaching program as well Empower Her, and that is I got a special on that that is 600. And that is for a 12-week program. It's 15 women, it's virtual and we meet up once a week and so that's going on right now. So those two right there. You could do the group coach, do the starter package. But when you go on my site, everything is on there. So whatever you see fit, go with it. Books on there, my whole life was on there wow, right everything.
Speaker 1:I mean just she's offering you a lot for your budget and, like I said, let's support her. I mean she's a sister. We got to support each other and you know she's got so much stuff to offer. You know, by her books, her coaching, her poetry, you know she has it all. So you know she's our sister.
Speaker 2:And you need a speaker too.
Speaker 1:Oh, and a speaker. There you go.
Speaker 2:Any women brunches whatever.
Speaker 1:Church. What about our singles in our churches? You know, definitely you know, reach out to her. You know our little girlfriend, either a sister circle groups I mean whatever groups that we have, our book club groups, whatever you know you have. Please reach out to Danielle and she'd be more than happy to to, you know, assist you.
Speaker 1:All right, you guys, it's almost an hour. It's one of our long. This is my. One of my longer episodes is because of the. You know so much information and you know you have so much to uh to offer us as far as uh, your wisdom, as far as coaching and all the things and all the goodies that you are offering on your website. Like I said again, I will have everything that you are offering, your contact information for people to reach out to you. So, you guys, with that being said, thank you for listening to another episode of More To Discover podcast. You guys, be safe, be happy and be blessed. Bye.
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